Strikes...

I had been in a long road of knowing GOD's place in my life. No matter how I keep telling myself that GOD will always be there for me. But there were times when problem strikes and that made me wish to die there and then. I know problems are constant in life. And some said GOD will never give you a problem which you can't handle. I believe that, but why there are those who end up their lives because of it? Maybe they were being defeated by the devil of guns or knives that pushes them to do so for the reason to scape. I understand this people because I had been in the same situation as well. It is so hard to fight against evil thought, a thought that is sometimes very convincing.


The road that I walk in was never been easy for me and I know still will never be easy. I am being enfold by good and bad things. It is so hurting to see someone you love struggles a lot because of emptiness. I know I once wished to give them little comfort of life but sometimes made me think want to give up. Because I have a heart of being Merciful as they call, can't stand watching someone in pain and struggle. Do you think, I like this feeling? I so wish I don't feel this way, and in that way, I couldn't feel anything, you know like a rock. But can't change it, I am this and will always be like this. Sometimes I wish to disappear.

Oh well, as I think it back, Problem is equal to life because life without problem is nothing. Who are those people who have life without problem? Abnormal or Normal? So I will continue to deal with this everyday reality thing. Hoping that GOD will keep holding on me. Despite of times I'm feeling nothing and left alone looking for someone to blame (ends up questioning HIM).

Be strong "ME".